Young Switchers/Chained (DVD)

More homo heartache and heinie-hopping, circa 1973!

Bobby, a cute blond cupcake, lies awake in bed, dreaming of getting his adorable little bull plowed by "husband" Jim, who has a nasty black & blue mark on his ass. Alas, the romance has gone out of their marriage and, despite a butt-Wasting flashback (in which the sloppy editing surrealistically makes it look like Bobby-boy is slurping on Jim?s dick and gettin? screwed by him at the exact same time), poor elfin-faced Bobby is sulking at breakfast:

Jim: "If this is about not balling you this morning, that?s a hell of a reason for looking like that!"
Bobby: "I guess I love you..."
Jim: "Shit! I?m going to work!"

Errol, the black pool man, soon arrives with his assistant, white-boy Steve. (Errol?s outrageously racist, cartoon-like voice is clearly a white guy trying to "sound black.") Bobby watches them and wistfully pants, "I bet you?re going to shove that beautiful, big black dick nicely up his ass," which, no surprise, is exactly what happens.

A telephone repairman then shows up and Bobby greets him bare-ass and drunk: "Ah, sweet prince! What precious gifts doth thou bear?" The startled repairman tries to ignore him by asking, "Where would you like the phone, sir?" "Right here!" says Bobby, pointing to his ass. Instead, he settles for a mouthful of Ma Bell.

Bobby?s friend, Gawky Danny, is also in a rotten marriage: "All those butch numbers are alike. Take Tom, for instance. When he?s in the mood, all he says is, ?Roll over, baby, and we?ll shove it up your ass." Alter sitting around bitching all day. they hatch a plan.

Telling Jim that he?s going to the movies (to see "Superfly?s Return"), Bobby actually drills Gawky Danny in his bedroom. What they don?t know is that Jim and Tom and an anonymous trick are across the hall in a lively, butt-ramming squirt-a-thon.

The punchline? They all come out of their rooms at the same time: "Bobby!" "Jim!" "Dan!" Tom!" The End!

Two prisoners, chained to each other?s leg, escape through the countryside. One is a burly, furry-chested bully-boy who?s been "pushing dope since I was 8." (Eight? Eight?!!) The other, a waif-like, whining hippie-type.

They break into a house, but the young man who lives there unexpectedly comes home and immediately makes cutesy-eyes with the waifish boy wonder. During the night, as the two cons lie side-by-side on the floor, the neanderthal wakes to see the man of the house gleefully riding the hippie?s bone.

Next day, while again stumbling through the woods. Mr. Thug belts the hippie in the face "for messing around with that punk kid last night. It made me wanna puke! Man, if we weren?t chained together, I think I?d kill you cause I hate your queer guts!" Uh-oh. Sounds like someone needs a hug.

After finding a spike, they break the chain but the Big Dumb One promptly gets his foot caught in a bear trap whereupon Miss Sensitive rescues him. Well, we all know where this is leading, don?t we?

The bruiser: "That night in the cabin. How could you? Why?"

The hippie: "Why? I?m homosexual!"

Duuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhh... The hippie further explains. "You see, I was straight until, one evening, I was working late at the gym..." and. in flashback, through a foggy lens and scored with theremin music, our young lad is attacked by two goons who turn his ass into the 4th of July. "The worst part about it was I really enjoyed it. Not the rough part. But the sex part. It was a whole new feeling I never felt." Uh-oh. The political correctness police will soon be knocking on his door...

The big lug whips out a harmonica and soon the fogged lens is back as the two jailbirds run through a field in slow motion, then roll through a field in slow motion until, finally, the toughie gives the fag a perky mouthful. All of which culminates in an ending so cruel and tragic, you?ll be laughing out loud for weeks.

Directors: Lancer Brooks. Starring: Ned Burke, Carl Ford, Bill North, Tom Paine. Early 1970s-Pre condom-Bareback-Rough Riders-Glory Holes-Heinie Humping-Hairy Men. A West Village Video DVD