Cockpit/Cockpit 2 (DVD) Double Feature-Incredible Value!

A Catalina Premium Double Feature. You get the contents of two $50 videotapes on one DVD!

This epic features an all-star cast of 31 Catalina Hunks!

Cockpit 1: Everybody's Going Down!
With "Cockpit: Everybody's Going Down!," Catalina has hit the motherload of porn spoofery. Throwing in some of the giddiness of the two "Airplane!" movies, it really has a grander time with the four original "Airport" disaster movies, heaping on the viewer a script so hysterically daffy it could only have come from Catalina. However, what works best here is that the folks behind this, writers and directors alike (not to mention a wonderful set designer), know that this exists more as a big-budget laugh-a-thon rather than simply as a supreme sexual cinematic achievement, so the sexual style here, kept to a frenetic minimum, works fantastically in context.

The story starts with pilot Steve Rambo (as wooden as "Airport '77's" Jack Lemmon and as libidinous as "Airport 75's" Erik Estrada) checking on the fixing of the cockpit door of his next flight. It's a "gay charter" he tells clueless Caesar and "one never knows when one might get a hot piece in the cockpit." Pretty Caesar doesn't know what to do, but his fellow mechanics Joe Kennedy and Jake Summers arrive in time to explain and offer help. "We're mechanics," Jake says deadpan, "so when something needs servicing, we're the best guys for the job." Steve can't stay, but Michael Brandon can join, so the four of them go at it, hairy bearish Jake taking on Michael's magnificence and Caesar getting to suck on the long smooth one older beefy Joe has to offer. Michael is the ace of this pairing, forcing Jake to take more than he might voluntarily, but Caesar's mouth is tireless and Joe needs to offer no prodding to help him along.

Meanwhile, Erik Michaels is a baggage handler who sashays around in a pair of kneepads (the closest thing to him is Charo from "Airport '79"). He accidentally opens one of the bags and out falls a jackpot of dildos and magazines and such. His co-worker, devilishly handsome Sam Crockett incredulously rattles off the flick's funniest line, saying, "These are all gay-sex toys, man!" a la drugged-up Jimmy Walker from "Airport '79." They try to figure out one of the toys, but it needs a hard dick, which wide-eyed big-eared Erik offers to help Sam achieve.

Before that can happen, blue-jean-clad security officer Mark Bruno (acting more in five minutes than George Kennedy did in all four of the original disaster flicks in a similar role) spies the mechanic quartet on his monitor and pulls out his gigantic dick to enjoy himself, calling the action "a private show, just for me."

Sam figures out that the toy they wanted before is a mock ass, so he slides it on his dick as Erik blows the plastic hole's shaft. Sam comes completely alive as he fucks, once removed, Erik's mouth. The creativity of the scene is wonderful and actually Erik, who does get to blow Sam sans sex toy as well, is on fire orally, providing a grand deep-throat. Sam fucks Erik, still in the kneepads, and they make a great pair. Sam's awesome dick fits perfectly in Erik's tight ass. As a top, Sam is as smooth as cotton candy, but as nasty as the stomachache afterwards. Erik then sits on Sam's dick to ride off and he takes over the action, his hard cock swinging around happily. He cums with Sam still inside him and then Sam literally pushes him off to pop excellently onto Erik's face.

Spliced in with the above exciting action is muscular Mark watching the foursome. Jake spews a sudden load, which causes Michael to reel off a truly giant one. Caesar follows, his boyish face twisted in efficient intensity, and then Mark cums right onto the video screen, licking up his load.

Now, the airline in this flick has the following motto: "Arrow Air: More Meat per Seat." As a series of porn types run their cameo spots through a metal detector, Tony Acosta is quick to make sure big beefy big-lipped Paul Dawson doesn't get through when he sets off the alarm (as sinister as that lady who tries to hide the diamonds in her dog's collar in the first "Airport"). In the film's funniest twist, it's Paul's cockring that excited the bells. Tony doesn't understand the concept of a cockring (he's as naive as "Airport '75's" singing nun Helen Reddy without the guitar, but as security-minded as Jean Seberg in "Airport"), so he makes Paul strip and show it to him. Paul is stunningly hung. The big dick is no match for Tony, an experienced blowjobber, a man with a backless throat and a desire larger than the last ten men on which he practiced. This is the first scene allowed to build at normal speed, so by the time Paul shoves his huge face into Tony's incredibly tight ass, the viewer is fully alert, especially when Tony brays, "It's yours, man, do whatever you want with it!" Paul then blows Tony, using the metal detector to prepare Tony's ass, but it's Tony who fucks first. The only problem with the positioning is seeing huge Paul sitting and riding on small Tony. But, Tony bends him over for more fucking and things improve steadily before Paul's monster dick fucks Tony, whose ass is as limitless as his mouth. All of Tony's jewelry ends up awash in cum as both guys unload buckets on Tony's body.

On the plane, where the merriment really starts, flight attendant Sam Burton (chewing the scenery more than Karen Black's final microphone monologue in "Airport '75") rattles off the instructions as we meet the passengers in cute vignettes. There is a drunk and the man he annoys (Sid Caesar and Myrna Loy from the above), a cute couple on their way to honeymoon (that ain't no one from the originals), and others, not to mention pilot Steve Rambo and the ever-hysterical Mike Radcliffe as his second-in-command (doing a fine impression of Kareem-Abdul Jabar's awful performance in "Airplane!"). There's another steward with a bitchy attitude worthy of Jacqueline Bisset in "Airport" who couldn't care less for the discomfort of his passengers. There are two guys who meet on the plane, baby-fatted blondish Graham and his seat partner, dark thin Alex Manning. Alex tells Graham of the mile-high club, so they retire to the bathroom to test this infamous set of stories. Alex sucks Graham's beautiful dick with lots of tongue, and lots of spit, as Tuck's honeymooning boyfriend waits to pee outside the door (Martha Ray in "Airport '79" anyone?). Graham eventually shoots off a nice cum-blast, right past Alex's face.

Pilot Steve wants a blowjob (I guess THAT'S what happens inside a Turkish Prison, just in case Peter Graves in "Airplane!" got you wondering), so he dismisses Mike and invites steward Sam to come in and blow him as their model airplane zooms through the air with special effects worthy only of an Ed Wood film. There is no explanation of who is flying the plane as hairy-faced handsome Sam and Steve make out. Sam has an amazing chest with really big pecs, and Steve blows his thick dick with his customary energy. He mashes his head deep into the pubes to make sure it all gets wet. Sam cums right on Steve's face and veiny neck, just where Steve always loves it.

Tuck's husband has returned from his wait for the powder room and when he falls asleep, Tuck saunters over to the trip's organizer, red-faced goateed Jay Paxton, sitting alone and jacking off. Tuck sucks him. But, just as we get into this, Sam is seen blowing Steve's dick. The action alternates with Steve spraying a whooping load on Sam's pretty-as-hell pecs and Jay blowing Tuck's very thick-based cock. Graham and Alex join the latter team (I guess this is the Olivia de Havilland-Joseph Cotton poker game from "Airport '77") for a nice four-way crammed into the seats of the plane. Kudos to director Brad Austin for making this work. Alex and Tuck kiss hotly as Graham blows Jay and then Alex returns to his oral talents by sucking on Tuck. Bald Tuck is all knotty noise, as usual, as Graham opens up really wide for Jay's dick. Tuck's jism also misses Alex's ever-clean face, and then Alex finally gets to cum. Tuck goes back to his boyfriend, so rotund Julian Housten takes his place, letting Alex eat his ass as he shares Jay with Graham. This action is also short before Jay lets one loose, just missing Julian's face.

Mike Radcliffe has taken a shine to the hottest man on the plane, T-shirt-clad Eduardo, bald but looking as fine as any man ever had a right to look. Mike asks to use the cockpit for this tryst ("Sure, that's why we call it the cockpit," Steve readily offers). Mike and Eduardo must represent about 500 collective pounds of solid muscle, and they are the hottest pair so far. Eduardo is hairy and humpy, while Mike is chiseled and smooth. They take turns sucking on each other's dicks, Mike having more fun with Eduardo's foreskin, and at the same time Steve Rambo meets up with his old friend Jay Paxton. Beef-bunny Eduardo looks great rimming Mike, though the action between Steve and Jay has an air of familiarity to it. Steve is a fine talent and when Jay fucks him, he's a madman, bounding backwards onto a clearly stunned Jay. Eduardo spills a pretty load on Mike's cheek and then Jay and Steve go, with Steve's so shatteringly amazing that Jay coos "oh, woooooow" at the top of his lungs.

The drunk passenger is a troublemaker (Lee Grant before she gets slapped by a calming Brenda Vacarro in "Airport '77") and looking for the bathroom, wanders into the cockpit, knocking Mike unconscious (at least he doesn't get sucked out the plane like Roy Thinnes in "Airport '75") and sending the plane into a free fall. You will howl with laughter as Steve s-l-o-w-l-y makes his way up the airplane aisle, amidst falling wires and passengers (and a soundtrack of female voices screaming, though there are none on this plane). But wait! Steve does this all in the nude! He finds his way into the cockpit, nude, and just as he's about to save the plane from danger (which Dean Martin did in one movie, Charlton Heston did in another, Jack Lemmon yet another and Alain Delon hoped to do in still another), pulling on the throttle, nude, as eagerly as he did Jay and Sam, we get a "to be continued" message!

Now, if I might be serious for a moment, I should point out that this airline disaster porn flick was filmed long before any of the recent world events and it should be watched in the spirit of gleeful stupidity with which it was intended. If ever there were a comical sexual way to relax, "Cockpit" is it. It scores on the level of being a cock-in-cheek spoof of a genre so easy made fun of, and it also does just fine with the sex. All of the sex scenes are delivered by pros, and it's fun to know that this time all of these guys were chosen ALSO because they could pull off the horrendous acting needed to make this work. Director Brad Austin deserves heaps of credit for seeing his vision through so completely, not confining himself to the barriers of standard sexual scenes that might take away from his wacky take on air travel. You know when the mile-high club is the lamest joke in a sexual spoof of the airline industry -- you are in for a grand bumpy ride!

Starring Caesar, Steve Rambo, Jay Paxton, Erik Michaels, Sam Crockett, Mike Radcliffe, Mark Bruno, Tuck Johnson, Eduardo, Sam Burton, Alex Manning, Julian Housten, Graham, Tony Acosta, Paul Dawson, Michael Brandon, Joe Kennedy and Jake Summers.

Directed by Brad Austin.

Cockpit 2: Survival of the Fittest
When we last spoke of the fateful flight careening to the earth in "Cockpit: Everybody's Going Down!," naked pilot Steve Rambo was valiantly trying to save the sex-filled plane of stock character loons from crashing. "Cockpit 2: Survival of the Fittest" picks up right where we left off, which the still-able Steve doing his best not to lose any of the passengers (or his hardon). While the first "Cockpit" had the backdrop of a hundred Hollywood disaster movies to depend on, "Cockpit 2" has only its own devilish creativity. Other than the banal "Alive," there aren't many post-crash movies," so writer and director Brad Austin gets to film the entire drama right out of his loony mind, and he comes up with a fiendishly hysterically clever way of delivering this film. The sex, opened up from the airplane set, is invigorating and lively, but the comedy is right there with it.

Being a Catalina epic, there is a lot to discuss other than the sex, so let's start with the particulars. We're on the plane, heading down ... down ... down through the night sky, hysterical non-sexual actors trained only in moaning delivering bad screams to funny heights, and finally we crash. More deliciously bad acting as the extras sprawl on the ground with their injuries and tattered clothing, Steve Rambo still naked. Though in rags, the survivors agree to help Steve, whom they blame for the rather large mishap. So, the next morning, Steve starts looking for help. He's told by one of the passengers to "keep your fucking pants on for a change." Steve takes Chad with him. Crawling through the woods like tired porn stars without a handy spa, Steve and Chad suddenly break into full canter when they hear running water. Tearing off their clothing, they bathe in the soothing water. Cleansed, but still in clothing showing off their best parts, Steve starts to blame himself for the disaster (if you remember, he wasn't in the cockpit, but busy having sex when a drunk passenger knocked Mike Radcliffe into the controls). Chad comforts him with kisses.

But Steve and Chad don't have the forest all alone to themselves. Watching this intro scene are the supremely funny Brad McGuire and Kurt Wagner as a pair of truly idiotic hillbillies. Brad sends Kurt home to tell what they've found, and stays to watch the ensuing scene. Steve has forgotten all of his troubles by the time Chad whips out his world-famous cock and gives Steve a chance to play with it. If there is any man alive able to conquer this python of a piece, it's Steve Rambo, who has seen the biggest and, well, the biggest, shoved up his ass for more years than most porn stars ever get. And Steve doesn't disappoint. With Chad shoving his entire dick at Steve's face, Steve is able to take it all. This is all a big turn-on to Brad, who has a dick that shouldn't be apologizing to anyone, so he pulls it out of his skivvies and starts playing around. Throughout the scene, it will be Brad, and his stunning blue eyes and shaved head, who has more fun than anyone. He has the solo down to a science and is great fun.

Let's pause for a second to go back to the plot (for the video does at this point). Daft Kurt runs home to unbilled Mama, Sharon Kane, playing a role only she could play, a role perfectly suited to her unique abilities. Dressed down in Daisy Duke cut-offs with these big blonde pigtails, her face dotted with more freckles than Pippi Longstocking with the clap, teeth covered in black, she's one helluva hillbilly. Kurt tells her about the wreckage, but she's already heard about it on the CB radio. She tells Kurt to run back and take whatever he can find from the plane.

The scene between Chad and Steve, exciting as it is, lacks a little spunk in the way it's filmed. The positions stay the same for long stretches of time, impressive though they are. I mean, who else but Steve Rambo could spend more than ten minutes on his knees inhaling Chad Hunt's cock? As Brad dabbles in foreskin-pulling and auto-fellatio, Chad sits up against a tree and let's Steve face-fuck him. Chad, who could subsist just on having a big cock, also happens to be a wonderful blowjobber, and does a fantastic job deep-throating Steve. Steve moves right from this position to sitting down on Chad's cock, and the expected fireworks-laden fuck comes off wonderfully. Chad coos "push back on my cock" when he sees that Steve can handle every inch, but also be playful about it. Steve, an expert bottom if ever there was one, really works hard in taking all Chad has. It's mighty impressive. Their best position apes the one Brad is in, with Steve on his head and Chad fucking fiercely from above. I mean fiercely! Chad and Steve both get off great cum-shots and Brad drops a whopper of a load onto his face and then eats it up.

Mama has lots more guys at home. Two of them are Rick Hollander, a scrumptious perfect-bodied manly type, and Haven Philips, a massive slab of an Adonis with blond hair and a very handsome face. Mama Sharon sends them out to clean up (they have fallen in a fishing hole, natch), and muscular Rick likes Haven to wash him. "Boy, you sure is filthy!," Haven notes before asking if Rick wants him to wash his "private parts like I always do." He washes them clear to a hardon that challenges Chad Hunt for length. Haven gets down on his knees and blows it like it deserves, opening his jaws wide and smoothly going up and down the big uncut cock. By the end of the session, Haven is even able to deep-throat it, with Rick pushing his head gently toward him. Showing brotherly spirit, Rick goes down on Haven, taking in every last centimeter of the average-size dick on every trip to it. He barely breathes, just gulps and spits, charging up the energy level of the scene considerably. Stacked Haven is bent over the basin to get fucked, with Rick grabbing onto the posts of the gazebo and shaking the damn thing as he blasts a fuck into Haven. This is a fuck only "men" could produce. Real masculine men. They slam back and forth with the power of muscle, the camera jumping around their bodies to show how hard it all is, and only when Rick pulls out for a sloppy cum-shot on Haven's meaty asscheek can you yourself return to normal breathing.

Back in the Sherwood Forest of fucking, Steve and Chad find their way back to the non-sexuals. They are suspicious of what the two have been doing (probably jealous), and this time Steve takes the non-sexuals while Chad goes to find help. Brad and Kurt overtake Chad and his buddy, who nearly giggles when he asks Brad: "Maybe you can take us to your trailer and we can use the phone and be on our way." "We ain't got no trailer ... we got a shack!," Brad says proudly. Brad stabs him and leaves him for dead as Brad and Kurt chase Chad back to Mama's lair. Meanwhile, help arrives! A rather expensive filming section allows us to see a helicopter landing and the good guys arrive in their fatigues. Good looking, too, since they are the swarthy ever-yummy Dante Foxx, cute blond Jaime and big-eared intense Todd Shore.

Dante and Jaime go off to pee, and of course have to look at each other while they release large streams of urine, particularly Jaime, who has colossal peeing power. Dante doesn't quite put his cock away when he's done, and Jaime follows suit, so soon enough we have two big hardons ready for closer inspection. Sexy Dante motions Jaime over to his and Jaime silently gets busy blowing him. He starts slowly and sensually, literally wrapping his mouth and big tongue around Dante's luscious pole. Todd saunters over and joins the equally pale Jaime in worshipped tanned studly Dante. Todd goes right for the deep-throat while Jaime takes care of the balls and then they alternate and share very nicely. Jaime gets down on a blanket and blows Todd while Dante takes care of Jaime. Jaime does well from a tough position, but it's Dante, deep-throating at the pace of a race car driver on the last lap, who really infuses the scene with oxygen. The camera knows it has a winner in him and he's the steady focus. This isn't lost on the other two, who add to the churning intensity of this all-oral session. Dante finally orders Jaime onto his knees so the other two can cum all over him. He ends up cumming first, followed by a big creamer from Dante and another from the Ben Stiller-ish Todd.

The non-sexual left for dead by Brad and Kurt is so not dead that even with a gaping stab wound in his stomach, he can still gingerly hop up and dash off in search of his comrades. He finds his way back and tells them about the hicks. Steve, of course, goes bolting off after Chad. Then comes perhaps the most hysterical moment of the entire inspired parade of lunacy that is "Cockpit 2." Sharon, sitting in a rocking chair with a leopard blanket, tries to talk to grizzled Jackson Highwood on the CB, having to adjust her pigtails to get better reception. She tells him that her guys have captured a survivor, but "I don't want that city trash messin' up my beautiful home ... over" and that the guys want him as a plaything.

Indeed, the guys have found something interesting, having tied Chad to a tree and poking him with a stick. The chickens make more noise than the soundtrack as Sharon orders Brad and Kurt to keep Chad quiet (he wasn't making any noise, it was the damn chickens), and Brad figures out how to do that. They toss him to his knees and force him to blow Brad, a task which would take most mortals hours to complete. Chad does great on Brad's giant uncut cock, looking like he's enjoying every second of blowing a comrade in king-size cockage. These guys understand brotherly love as much as Haven and Rick (what amazing parentage bred these four guys?), making out as Chad blows their cocks. Kurt's cock isn't as much of a challenge to Chad, so he slurps that one in easily, showing off a different side of his oral talents, and whipping back and forth between those styles as he pleases both guys. The insatiable brothers squat in front of Chad to share his cock, which is a meal I would have liked to have seen the whole family shared. Instead, Brad and Kurt make a tasty time of Chad's hugeness, with Kurt stretching his little face to get in as much as he can and Brad having an easier time with more of the fat inches. There's a great shot of the two licking up and down the cock together. Chad then fucks Kurt. He could split apart this poor kid with just one thrust, but instead gently opens up his ass to a big hole and fucks him almost as easily as he did Steve. Chad, all his muscles poised to deliver one of his patented I-don't-care-how-small-your-ass-is-all-of-this-monster-is-going-in-there fucks, slides into Kurt without hesitation and Kurt's red scrunched face shows the adoration. Kurt cums, followed by Chad on Brad's bald head, which is a hot ending to a hot scene. Brad has a strong shot, but the one who doesn't get to cum is Jackson, who had been beating off, but runs away before anyone can catch him. Brad and Kurt retie Chad to the tree and skip off in hopes of having some of Mama's possum.

One of the best things about the first "Cockpit" was the art direction, namely the plane set. Here, it's a mangled twisted wreckage. Two of the passengers, thin, hard-bodied sunken-cheeked Jack Sanders and brunet stud Deacon Frost, are cold and need to warm up. Jack thinks sex is a good idea (ain't much else to do when you're an able-bodied crash survivor, I suppose) and hopes more of the mates will find them because "more bodies, more heat." So, handsome Deacon gets busy on Jack's dick, giving it a nice thoughtful suck at first. Jack's is another in the flick's long line of very big throbbing cocks, a real worshipper's fantasy. Deacon dispenses quickly with the niceties and works his hand and his spit up into a frothy fury as he blows the heck out of Jack. Coming right at the end, he turns in a great oral performance. He's another one who can't be bothered with things like breathing when he's busy blowing. Suddenly, Raul Tasco joins the pair, showing up in his bald hairy-chested splendor. For the third time in as many scenes, we get to see some blowjob sharing as Raul joins Deacon to handle Big Jack. Deacon takes his first break and lets Raul and Jack share him, Raul showing the camera his long tasty dick, begging for a mouth. Deacon takes him up on it, allowing Jack to help him out and then cut-from-marble Michelangelo Risi shows up, looking like a soap opera villain with his blond hair, clipped dark goatee, perfect body and nipple-ring. Okay, the soap opera villain of my fantasy, at least. The guys pair off with Raul and Deacon switching blowing positions and Jack taking on Michelangelo. Throughout, there is consistently good sucking from all four pals, with Deacon never tiring and keeping the rest of them up to speed. Raul fucks Deacon while Michelangelo sits on Jack to get thrusted into. Jack does a nice slip upward into Michelangelo, but the real fuck to watch here is Raul blasting one into Deacon, whipping into him with the same energy Deacon used so delightfully in the oral section. After the two pairs have made their positions work grandly, Michelangelo sits on a broken chair and has Deacon blow him, while Deacon is fucked by Jack, who is fucked by Raul! All in the wreckage! It's amazing that they were able to manage this chain, and even more amazing is the way they handle it. Raul has a splendid time fucking Jack, who pushes hard into Deacon, who of course never loses his ability to suck cock with bravura. Raul gets to play cum-rag, starting the contest off with a shot that clears a few feet as it stretches into the air and then Jack's final is almost as good.

Mama Sharon sends her guys back to the plane to get all the cash plunder they can find, and once they have roared off, Steve finds Chad and unties him. However, Sharon catches them and runs after Steve with an ice pick. Steve and Sharon tussle for the pick (which is comical in itself), and though Sharon puts up a hell of a fight, she gets kil't. However, she expires like Bernhardt, Countessa of Porn Camp that she is. Steve uses Sharon's precious CB to get the rescuers and everyone is saved. Steve, in the helicopter, surveys the ground, knowing that as pilot of the plane, he has done his duty to ultimate success.

Funny is funny, and Brad Austin knows funny porn. All the usual trappings of Catalina videos are present, from the sturdy man's man type to the hair on many of the chests, so what makes this such a commanding guilty pleasure is the script. Throwing the survivors of a plane crash into battle with hillbilly misfits is a grand concoction. In lesser hands, we would have seen umpteen scenes of men tending to the wounds of other guys where bandage wrapping turned to sex. Instead, we get a fantastically clever plot, a load of characters worth playing to the hilt, and some damn fine plotting, all existing with some damn good sex. Pros like Chad Hunt and Brad Austin necessitate wowing scenes, and they get them. Now, what would happen if the helicopter, with the survivors, crashed? Would we get a trilogy?

Starring Steve Rambo, Chad Hunt, Brad McGuire, Kurt Wagner, Rick Hollander, Jaime, Todd Shore, Dante Foxx, Jack Sanders, Raul Tasco, Deacon Frost, Michelangelo Risi, Haven Philips, Jackson Highwood and Sharon Kane.

Directed by Brad Austin.

Special DVD features: Two full-length features on one disc ("Cockpit: Everybody's Going Down!" and "Cockpit 2: Survival of the Fittest"); interactive menus; digitally remastered; chapter selections; slide-show gallery (hardcore and glamour shots of the cast members), stereo sound, no regional coding (playable worldwide), and previews for several Catalina titles.

A DVD Review by Brent Blue [ http://www.ManNet.com ]

*** Highly Recommended ***

A Catalina DVD.