Alex & Bruno (DVD)

You'll have to forgive the Emperor that he's not able to put all the diacretical marks on those French names (that means the accent marks -- just in case you're going to be a contestant on "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire"). Actually, it's a French-Canadian production from the people who bring you the Priape boutiques in Montreal and Toronto. Those of you who've visited these lovely cities probably know that the Priape stores are important porno outposts of the Emperor's domain (as well as having clothes and other things gay boys like). Now they've launched a video production company with the online sex site Chisel.com, and their first effort is worthy of their name. Priape, if you don't know, is French for Priapus. He was a Greek demi-god who was cursed with an eternal, huge erection. We suppose some people might consider that a curse.

Our story begins in oversexed, thoroughly gay Montreal where Michel Mattel (the Alex of the title) is wandering around side streets looking for action. A sexy narration in French (don't worry -- there are some minimal English subtitles, not that you really care) informs us that Michel is a voyeur. Well, we have it from good sources in Montreal that it's actually not uncommon for boys to wander the side streets off of St. Catherine Est (the gay strip) cruising guys who are looking out the windows or doors of apartments. So don't think this couldn't happen.

Anyhow, what to his wondering eyes should appear but Adam Kerr and his big bag of dildos. We should tell you right away that Michel is a cutie patootie of the youngish, slim, dark-eyed sort. Adam is a thirtysomething hardbodied stud who loves big dildos up his butt as much as Michel loves to watch. So we (and Michel) watch him poking himself with a variety of toys. It's dildo-play worthy of Falcon, but somehow more realistic because he's by himself. We even see Michel's eyes bug out when Adam takes a particularly big rod. Adam jacks off and comes, then leaves a dildo sitting on the open windowsill (kind of like Grandma putting a pie out to cool). Michel nabs the dildo for a souvenir, and he's off. Michel then plays the other side of the cruising game, standing on his balcony nude, whacking off. Now there's an invitation if we've ever seen one. He takes a shower, and when a policeman comes to the door, he quickly seduces him. (Well, heck -- he even has porno running on his little television). The policeman is Dean Forest, a macho, hairy guy with a van Dyke beard and big balls. Michel services him, giving him a good blowjob and ass-licking, then Dean pokes him with his nightstick (his REAL nightstick) before Michel sits on Dean's moderately-sized wiener. Michel then comes on Dean's hairy chest while still bobbing up and down on him. Dean shoots a nice load, too, but still issues Michel the citation he thought he was going to get out of.

After that, Michel's had enough of the city for a while. Time to be a country mouse! So he heads off to visit Nino Bacci ("Bruno") out on a picturesque farm. Actually, the extensive French narration says that he has to go to the country to work and make some money to pay off his fine. Fortunately, he has "un bon patron" (a good boss) in Nino, a hunky musclestud who works Michel all day. Michel, of course, would rather be out in the woods doing his voyeur thing, and it just so happens that there would be plenty to see. Francois Clairmont meets Stephane St.-Laurent by a lovely stream in the forest. They're both reasonably attractive, lean guys, and Stephane has a big Canadian sausage to show off. Francois is buzz-cut and carries a big stick of his own. The two exchange blow jobs, then Stephane licks Francois's butt before Francois sits on his dick. He shoots his load while still perched on Stephane's dick, and then Stephane shoots his own geyser.

Our narrator informs us that life in the country is not as boring as Michel expected. He sneaks off to the woods at every opportunity, and one day spies a group of youths playing in a rushing river. Errr -- make that playing WITH each other in a rushing river. Hey! One of the guys is the evil cop who gave him the ticket! The other guys are Mathieu, Stephane, Frederick Gallant and Julian. Julian is young and skinny with pretty, curly blond hair and an absolutely gigantic penis. Michel joins them as they get down to business. We guess the cop is too preoccupied to notice it's his trick from the city. Or maybe he fucks so many miscreants that he can't even remember them all.

Mathieu is a balding brunet with beautiful blue eyes who does a good job slurping away on Julian's massive meat and his asshole as well. Soon they're all switching off and having a jolly outdoor orgy. There's a great double-suck by Dean -- probably the best we've ever seen. He sucks both dicks simultaneously almost all the way down. Some fucking goes on, though it's not always clear who's doing whom. Michel does get fucked, though, and there's a big cum-fest at the end of the scene.

Back in the farmyard one day, Michel and Nino retreat to the hay-filled barn during a rainstorm. That Nino is one fine slab of Canadian bacon -- lots of muscles, smooth, tan, but not plastic looking. Something about the thunderstorm seems to have made Nino horny, and he seductively strips and strokes himself as Michel delightedly watches from behind some hay bales. Nino pulls down his undies to reveal an oversized penis, which he immediately jacks off, with Michel following suit. Nino does a little thwacking of his cock before he spies Michel lurking in the corner. This being porn, he isn't embarrassed; he just invites Michel to join him. The two make out and we get good views of Michel's adorable ass. He eagerly slurps down Nino's dick in an unusually thorough blowjob, and Nino -- who seems like he would be trade -- surprisingly reciprocates with an enthusiastic deep-throating of his own, as well as ball-sucking. (You can tell he's giving a good blowjob because of the way he sucks his cheeks in. No loosey-goosey oral sex here!) He also rims Michel's hole before sticking his dick in (we suppose he had rubbers stashed in between the hay bales). He throws a hard fuck into Michel, who fucks back and keeps a hardon. They fuck standing, and then Michel sits on it and once again comes on his partner's tummy. This time he slurps up his load. Then Nino shoots while Michel finger-fucks him.

(The narrator then informs us that, for the moment, Michel's not even thinking about going back to the city.)

During the closing credits we get to see some cute outtakes from the movie. That Michel is quite a campy little ham. We even see macho Nino getting instructions on operating the mini-tractor, and Michel frantically swatting at some bugs that swarm out of a woodpile. The final word is had by a man who says, "Fluffer! They wanted a fluffer. There's no budget for fluffer. So instead we give them rest, but they're still not happy." Must be the director.

We liked this video.

It was charming in a way that you don't find in most porn. The story was really cute; almost as cute as Michel. The use of narration was fun and an original idea. It moved the plot along without having to rely on what could easily be the meager acting talents of the cast (as we often see in porn). You can tell the English subtitles are heavily edited when three minutes of monologue are distilled into one sentence. The wide variety of men -- from twinkish to skinhead-ish to muscle-lish -- was engaging and appealing. The music was a little monotonous in places, but still a nice change from the usual American porn soundtrack. The artistic director was "Stanlé Lubrik." Get it? We like a movie with a self-conscious, campy sense of humor.

Special DVD features: Digitally remastered; a slide-show gallery; stereo sound; full-motion chapter index, English subtitles (can be turned on or off via menu) and no regional coding (playable worldwide on DVD-ROM, DVD entertainment systems or DVD game players, e.g. XBox and PlayStation).

A VHS + DVD Review by The Porn Emperor [ http://www.ManNet.com ]

*** Highly Recommended ***

Starring Nino Bacci, Michel Mattel, Dean Forrest, Stephane St. Laurent, Julian, Frederick Gallant, Francois Clairmont, Adam Kerr and Mathieu.

Directed by Andre Tardif.

A Priape Video / IMD DVD.

DVD features include Interactive Menus; Chapter Index; Jump to Your Favorite Scenes; DVD-ROM Compatible; No Regional Coding for World Wide Playback.